Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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