"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
