are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I don't deserve a penis
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
