Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
