Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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