I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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