his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
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I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
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Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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