you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
