the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Only a mothe r could love this liver
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
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