I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
