Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Randomize
