These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
