I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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