Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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