that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
