i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
