He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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