Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
