jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
