They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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