I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
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I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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