That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
