I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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