As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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