oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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