I cockslap morals
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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