your thong is hanging out like whoa
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
