I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
