the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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