Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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