butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
