Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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