The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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