He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
