I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
