Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
