She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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