whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
