I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
