ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I wish you could order shots online.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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