Apparently you make a good broom.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
