Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
