In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
pray to the hookup gods
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
