i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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