if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
