I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
