I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
