her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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