Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
