the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
