I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
