yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
