Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
