i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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