i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
