I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
