i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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