Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
