It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Who put my cat in the fridge?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
