hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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