i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
