I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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