Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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