Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I think I just shit out all my problems.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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