Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
