i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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