zippers are such a cool invention
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
