moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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