My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
