So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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