man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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