I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I bet he comes in French.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize