There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
